Archive for April, 2010

Just Waiting

Well, I guess now is the time I wait for the call with a date given to me. I have complete all the steps labs, classes, radiology, psychological and finally turned my checklist with dates and signatures in last week. I think now im more nervous, anxious to get the show on the road. Pre-op pictures are coming but I think I’m going to wait till like the day before I go to do it. Don’t want no one getting overly excited over my hot sexy self!..LOL. Finally found the video camera too so I can take video while in the hospital. I Don’t know If it will get posted right then and there but within a day or so at least. So, for now I will leave you with a word from your sponsor..LOL..ok, maybe not ..*toodles*!

Beginning of a journey

I don’t know where to start or how to start but figured I would just let my fingers start typing. This is the beginning of a new journey for me and also my family. I have decided to for go bariatric surgery. Yes, you read correct.. And those who know me know that I have been against this for a few years. I have always thought of it as an easy way out to loosing weight (no offense to those who have had it done) I mean I have no excuse to be the weight I am. I don’t excercise on a regular basis and I have poor eating habits. Actually they are not poor they just don’t exist. You could call me a binge eater. Breakfast is very minimal if not at all I may eat a big lunch and or nothing then dinner is a large meal. I stay up late and often snack while playing on the computer.  There was no intention of even making this decision that day I went to the Doctor for a knee injury. My physician had asked me a few times If I had considered the surgery and each time I would throw my hand up quickly and cut her off with a quick “no thank you”. Till one day I asked her If I was just able to gether information and go from there. I had researched and looked into it. Also, had friends who have had it done and listened to their experiences as well. After some research and going to a few classes I think this is the for me. Yes, it’s a difficult journey but such a healthy journey.

For years I have denied the fact that I am overweight. When I look in the mirror I see a plus size woman but I don’t see a morbidly obese woman and that is what class I fall into. I guess because all my blood levels have been great I still figured I was healthy. Afterall, my husband loves me who do I need to lose weight for and impress. That’s where the denial comes in I do need this. I get on the scale and see that im a few lbs away from 300 and a few months ago at my heaviest I was over the 300 mark. That was a sad day in my life I cried and David would tell me “it’s ok” but it’s not. It’s not ok to weigh about 130 lbs over what you should. But, I do and im finally not happy with myself for allowing me to get this far.

A few friends have always said ” I wish I could be like you” meaning to be overweight and have confidence. I am a very confident person who has a great personality I know that. But, what they don’t see are the moments I do look in the mirror and say “ugh” to myself. I don’t let to many people into my life. I can probably count on one hand the people who really know me. What I don’t let people see is that I do cry, I do care ,and have a heart.LOL…

So, im going to be using this as a venting tool for me and my emotions. I know I will have good days and bad days. Please feel free to ask questions and what not. I am not hiding that fact that I am having this done. I have heard people say “I’m on a doctor assisted weight loss program” or ” I play a lot of sports and drink water” I’m not embarrassed about FINALLY admitting that I do need help with food addiction.  So through this blog and posting pictures and the support of my friends I know I will make it through this and have a successful weight loss. Stay tuned for more!